First times are quite a tricky thing. They are either great and we will measure every time that follows against them, none of them quite reaching up to the first. Or they are a bad and we try everything to reset our brains as to believe they’ve never happened. In either case the first time has to be something quite spectacular, why else would it create such a reaction, be it positive or negative, in us?
But – there are is also another kind of first time. It’s the one nobody is talking about, the one that is neither good nor bad – the unspectacular one. It’s unremarkable, and often leaves us with the feeling of “Was that it? For real?”. And my first time in a fetish club clearly belongs into that category of first time.
Still, before we dive further into that topic it might be better to first give you some sort of background information on my person. I’m 26 years old, and I only figured out that I was into guys at around 21. That was also the age when I had my first time, which is, however, a story for another time. Following that I experimented a bit and found out what I liked and what I didn’t – but mind you, it still was totally vanilla. (So, no fetish(-es), no role-play, no anything in that direction).
That is until I discovered my first fetish which is sports-wear. And yes, I know; it’s not a special fetish in the gay community, because who doesn’t like a hunk in good fitting gym clothes? – But hey, everybody needs to start somewhere. Sports-wear was soon followed by leather, which came at the same time as SM, followed in turn by my most recent fetish for rubber and an interest in bondage.
As my taste in certain things started to evolve, I got to know people on platforms like RECON and Romeo that shared them with me. People that I later would get to know personally, would become friends with and learn from them. And it’s through them that I sort of “discovered” the existence of a club called Hard One, where guys with my same interests would meet and have a good time – I was 24 back then.
So, fast forward 2 years and we finally arrive at my first time at a fetish club. It was around New Year, and I went there with a friend of mine, who visits Hard On quite frequently. Not knowing what would await me, I expected the extremes that you relate to such places. That is guys fucking around in plain sight; not dressed at all or fully covered in any kind of fetish gear you might imagine. I thought that they would torture each other for everybody to see and enjoy. Thus, my expectations (if you can call them that) were quite hard and extreme.
However, I saw none of those things. No leather clad bears, no gimps in rubber, no puppies or slaves on chains. What I got instead were a few guys that stood around the bar and talked, a chance to get familiar with the location, and a make-out session with my friend who took me there. You can, see why my first time at a fetish club was, therefore, rather unspectacular – which doesn’t mean that it was bad. Because it wasn’t, it was good. And I think, it is exactly because of that circumstance (it wasn’t too much, I got the opportunity to acclimatize myself with that new setting at my own peace) that I went back there. Leading to a great second time, which involved me getting quite some attention and some really hot action.
So, what I want to say is, don’t be disappointed if your first time isn’t that spectacular thing you imagined it to be in your mind. Take it as a chance to actually get accustomed to the new situation, so that you can take everything in the second time and enjoy it totally. In short, first times don’t have to be remarkable to be good, as long as they are not turning into catastrophe everything is fine.
Text: Isaak Wolf
Photography: Julian Behrenbeck